The Fire In The Belly

The Old Office Award Shelf (in my new office)

I haven’t been blogging much recently.  A lot of the bloggers that I used to read don’t blog as much these days either.

Reasons, well….lack of frustration would be one.  Blogging was always a release to the stress and frustration that was ever present in my life.  Take away those factors and the need for ‘therapy’ hasn't been as great. 

In the past, readers will recall, that my job was a constant source of blogging material.  Looking back on that past life, I have come to realize that my employer really was “F’ed Up”.  I mean it really was a bizarre place to work.  Having gotten away from it and looking back, I am amazed at how I lasted there as long as I did.  I will probably be summing up my experiences there in the coming weeks.  As I have often stated, looking back at a problem from a great distance lets you see it in a different light.

With that stress gone, the world is a happier place, and happy people don’t blog as much for therapy..  They can, but when you are happy, you find happy things to do, and don’t need to blow off as much steam. 

I always hoped to turn this blog into a more introspective and contemplative work, where I explored the broader meaning of life through fiction and poetry.  However, that takes a lot more thought and a lot more time to write out.  Like I stated, I am now doing ‘happier’ stuff that leaves less time for writing in that vein. 

So hopefully, this blog has turned a corner.  It won’t nearly as frequent as it once was.  But hopefully better.  

The Nightly Propaganda, with Bryan Williams

"Don't worry honey, there will be a cute animal story on the news right after the commercial"

The news of the last few days is getting me more and more upset. Either the public's fascination with anxiety and stress is becoming overwhelming, or the media is playing to your fears more and more to sell you toothpaste and pharmaceuticals. Just this past week:

The Carnival Triumph Cruise Ship. Ow the humanity! All these whiny little middle class working stiffs are crying and moaning because their floating Motel 6 ran out of air conditioning and free lobster. What they are really whining about is that they paid for something and didn't get their monies worth. This is headline news? We're they ever in danger of drowning?, starving?, immanent death?....No. Even on a stranded cruise ship they were living lives better than the average African or South American. Jeez, grow up people...shit happens. But the media makes one huge deal out of it because of the "human" drama.

The Russian Meteor Disaster. Ow, the sky is falling! Granted this was valid news, and great video to watch, thanks for the update. But the next day...same story, same video...but with experts from community colleges and cults telling us just how bad this could have been and that we might all be killed by space debris at any second! Ow My...Lions & Tigers & Bears!!! Wake up folks, this could have happened at any time in the last 2 million years and there is nothing we can do about it in the future! Why don't you just carry on, you can't prevent hurricanes, earthquakes or volcanoes either. The universe is a dangerous place, if you want to save your children, invest in the space program, don't watch the damn anxiety news shows!

The Illegal Aliens Are Coming, Run For Your Lives! We live 5 miles from the Mexico border. Contrary to what you might hear and read, there isn't a problem with illegal immigrants filing through our front yard or sleeping in our garage. Far from it. Yet every month we see a news story on the national media about columns of drug smugglers filing across ranches in Southern Arizona and how Americans are in fear of their lives. Bullshit. I am sure it exists to a degree, but not to the extent that the media plays it up. Border Patrol agents and law enforcement are thick as thieves where we live. If their are illegals here they sure don't want to stick around. I would be more concerned about the thousands of meth-labs in major metropolitan areas that are cranking out drugs right next door to you, than a few Mexicans sneaking marijuana across the border. The media is whipping up fear to make you vote a specific way and trying to bias your opinion.

Remember, for every news story you see or read in the media, there is an alternate view, but that view isn't backed by folks who want to sell you things you don't need.

Letter To A Long Lost Friend (Repost)

From 30 Days

To Carla Keith,

Of all the folks that were lost in the river of my life, I would like to find out where you landed the most.

I have found most of the rest, scattered by time and tide all over the globe. But I don’t know what happened to you.

That is a shame, since you were the first 'woman' I ever knew. You taught me more standing at the school bus stop every morning than any other girl before you. You were mature, and I was fascinated.

I don’t know if I would call it first love, but it certainly was the beginning where I realized there was a lot more to women that I had realized.

The last time I saw you was 1975. I fellow classmate recently e-mailed me a picture of you. It was the first time I had seen you in 35 years. It really made me wonder where you ended up.

Hope all is well and you survived like the rest of us.

So if you ever google you name on the Internet, hopefully might find this. From way back in the day, in South Dakota, near Rapid City, on Ellsworth Air Force Base. It seems like such a long time.

Love,


Lotus07

Letter To An Ex-Employer (Repost)

From 30 Days

Dear Susan,

You probably don’t remember me. I used to work for you. Back in the early 1990, when you were director of the Agency I worked in.

I never really got a chance to have a sit down talk with you before you were flushed out the door by the new incoming governor‘s administration and went to work as a corporate lobbyist.

So I hope this finds you well and things are going your way these days. Your tenure at the Agency was, shall we say, difficult.

You really weren’t a people person during your time at the agency, and some would say you were a bit of a micro-manager. Spending all your weekends in your office reading every bit of correspondence that was sent out by your employees was a bit much. Showing that you had to proof everything everyone did was a little over the top and didn’t really promote that ‘team spirit’ concept that directors are so fond of using.

You taught me a lot about how government and bureaucracy work, and I have to say that none of it was very good. The impression I was left with was that government is full of a lot of power-players that trade favors and delve into a lot of graft.

Your insistence that the Agency aid all consumers regardless of the nature of their complaint was a bit of an abuse of power in my opinion. But such is the nature of those that serve the electorate I suppose. Making the higher-ups look good is more important than serving the consumers.

Back then, you were a pretty ‘driven’ individual, and I don’t know if that served you well in the long run. For some of us that trait is genetic. I know that during my lifetime, it hasn't always driven us in the right direction. Hope ya found some happiness at the end of your road.

A Past Employee


Lotus07

Letter to My Wife (Repost)

From 30 Days

Dear Sue,

I need to remind you of something.

You have taught me a lot over the years, least of which is how much of a jerk I can be at times and how you don’t let it affect you so much. You tolerate a lot....and in the process, have have taught me a lot of tolerance. But more than anything else, you reminded me about the value of child-like dreaming.

You want to do new things and get all excited about the possibility of doing them. Most folks lose that when they get older, you don’t.

Sometimes you nurture too much. The three dogs and six cats that we have in our house are a testament to that. You have a hard time saying no or turning someone away that needs a favor. But these are really things that I can fault you for. You can’t fault Mother Teresa for being too kind.

You are a pretty messy person, although you hate clutter. You are disorganized in the extreme, never knowing where anything is placed, but you make up for it by making the best diners out of virtually nothing in the kitchen.

You complain about how difficult the audio-video system is to operate in the house, but for some reason, when push comes to shove, you were always able to figure out how to pull up ‘As The World Turns’ when you wanted to watch it.

But mostly, I have come to realize that you are the only person that is willing to put up with me and for that I am pretty blessed. Truly blessed. So while I might be a moody, brooding, S.O.B. sometimes, don’t ever think for a moment that you are the gosh-darn best thing that will ever happen to me in my lifetime.

Your Husband,


Lotus07

Letter to My Dog (Repost)

From 30 Days

To Max:

Sit! ... Stay!......I said “SIT!”.......now stay......no, no, no...don’t lick my hand......stupid dog.

Listen Max, I realize that you aren’t the sharpest tool in the shed. I mean ever since we rescued you as a puppy found abandoned in the park, we knew this wasn’t going to be easy. As I am sure you are aware by now, it has been much harder than we thought.

Much like when Forrest Gump uttered, ‘Life is like a box of chocolates, you never know what you’re gonna get.”. It appears that we got you.

After numerous gnawed on pieces of furniture, countless shoes destroyed and enough holes in the back yard to make it look like a used minefield, we still have you. Damnit, you do tend to grow on people.

Which is why I have a favor to ask of you buddy. Don’t make me have to put you down. When your time comes, just pass away in your sleep. Don’t get hit by a car, or ingest rat poison or break your back by jumping out of a moving vehicle.

I couldn’t do that. After spending every morning over the past year, playing fetch with you, it is something that I just can’t contemplate. It is evident that you literally ‘live’ for those 20 minutes each morning where you get to run as fast as you can across an open field in order to catch up to that tennis ball. Then, without hesitation, you bring it back to me. The look in your face is absolute and utter joy every time you do it. For those that say dogs can’t smile, they obviously have never seen you play fetch. It is just you and me and that tennis ball, nothing else matters.

In your persistent, stubborn, duface sort of way, you have made me appreciate that time as well. It is during those ball throwing sessions that you have taught me that there are more important things in life than the chaos that constantly surrounds the human world.

As long as you want to keep bringing that ball back to me, I’ll keep throwing it.

However, I can’t snuff out that sort of joy. I just don’t have it in my. So do me this favor good buddy. Either outlive me, or pass away in your sleep while you dream of chasing a rabbit through a thicket.

See ya tomorrow at 6:30am, with the tennis ball, in the park. Bring your game face.

Your Owner,


Lotus07

Letter to My Step-Children (Repost)

From 30 Days

Hey Kids,

I know you are going to all be grown up by the time you read this, but I will still be older than you, so I can still call you kids.

I wanted to pass this little note on to you after I am gone to give you a little heads up about some stuff.

Since I never had children of my own, you are going to be the closest thing I have to family when I leave this earth, so I wanted to pass something on to you now that I am gone. Now, don’t get your hopes up. It isn’t a wade of cash, or a yacht or a fancy sports car. Its knowledge. Something that I have learned is really hard to come by in this day and age.

The one thing I have learned in this lifetime, is that no one under that age of 30 wants to hear their elders tell them how things are, or what to do, or how to live their lives. I was young once too, and I remember those days when I was 20 and thought I knew everything. It is genetic, trust me on this, you will outgrow it.

Eventually, you will come to the realization that you DON’T know everything, but by then, your elders will probably be gone, or won’t care to explain it to you anymore. Hence, I am jotting down this letter.

During my time on this rock I learned a lot of things. No one can know everything, but I learned my fair share. So much so, that there is no way that I can write it all down in a meaningful way for you to understand. Somethings have to be learned first hand. That is life.

But I did manage to document a majority of what I learned in two different ways. I blogged a lot and I am going to make efforts to make sure it is all preserved for you. You might find it interesting and you might find it boring, and dare I say stupid and funny, but it was all me. All the important stuff that I could remember. The funny, creepy, sad, frustrating and enlightening stuff. If you take the time to rummage through it, you might find a few things that will either strike a cord in you, or at least give you a heads up regarding what to expect in your future.

The other thing I left you was a bunch of photographs. Thousands of them to be exact. Because I have often sermized that if we forget the past, it disappears. And to lose who and what we are is the greatest loss of all. So hopefully, you will cast an eye over the images from time to time on your screen saver or your digital picture frame and pause once in a while.

Because, now that I am gone, this is all that is left of me, and I don’t think that it should be forgotten. I had some pretty good times, and learned some interesting shit. This is my legacy, hope you enjoy it.

Love,


Lotus07

P.S. if you scan the text and images closely, you might be able to tell where I buried all my money.