Monday, April 26, 2010

Road Trip



I really needed to get away


My wife and I have a little ritual. Every New Year's Eve, we fill up an old claw-foot bathtub in our back yard and take a bubble bath at midnight. It is usually freezing outside on January 1st, and the hot bathwater makes a cold fog in the backyard as we listen to the noisemakers and gunfire in the distance that rings in the new year. This year, while hunkered down in the tub, we both made the comment, that 2010 was going to be a good year....we just sort of sensed it.

Boy, were we wrong.

After my father passed away in 2005, my mother eventually sold her house in Tucson and moved to Phoenix to be closer to family. My mother had been a dutiful wife for my father for over 55 years. When my father passed away, she became a whole new woman. At the age of 77, she started her second childhood.



Phoenix Rental Car Terminal

She purchased her little dream home in an historic neighborhood near where we lived. Gone were the drab beige and whites of the suburbs that she had lived in for the past 20 years. This house was going to have color! She volunteered at local thrift stores. Took up jewelry making. She went thrift store shopping with us on the weekends. She rode her little electric motorcycle all over the neighborhood as well as downtown. She took the light rail all over the city to visit restaurants, see plays and go to the movies. She was finally going to have a chance to do things her way.




Abandoned Structure Near Tonapah, Arizona


Then she got sick. Mind you, this woman had NEVER been sick a day in her life. She had always been VERY independent and could never fathom being dependent on anyone else for anything. So her bout with kidney stones really hit her hard. She had never ridden in an ambulance nor been in a hospital. She didn't like it, but after the minor surgery, she sprang back. She was back on her little motorcycle within a month. That was in November, 2009.

Then she got sick again. This time, it was harder to figure out. The doctors diagnosed it as diverticulitis and gave her antibiotics. Only problem was, the doctors had it wrong. It was peritoneal cancer that had attached itself to her colon. By the time they had figured that out, 40 days of treatment with antibiotics had done more harm than good.



Griffith Observatory, Los Angeles, California

Around this time, we discovered that my mother-in-law (MIL) had spent herself into bankruptcy. She had not applied for the state grant money which would have allowed her to stay in her assisted living facility where she had been for the past 4 years. She claimed that she wasn't eligible. We later found out that she had never even applied. So come February 1st, 2010, she showed up on our front door and moved into our house. We gave up half our house and all of our personal space to fulfill our family obligation.

Then in middle of February, my mother had an operation to re-sect a portion of her colon. She sprang back from that operation for about 2 weeks, then found herself back in the hospital with more intense pain in her abdomen. Needless to say, the cancer was winning.




Griffith Observatory, Upper Deck, Los Angeles, CA


By the beginning of April, she asked to be moved to a hospice facility near our home. She willed herself to stay alert and awake until she got to hospice. Once she was there she drifted off into unconsciousness and was gone in four days. My wife and I spent almost all of our free time in that little hospice room, reminiscing about the strong, fiery, independent woman that lay in bed breathing heavily beside us. It was rough.

Finally, at 2am in the morning on April 10th, the phone rang. I know who it was, and I knew what they were going to tell me. After saying our final good-bye to her, my wife and I found ourselves at a Denny's at 3am in the morning. We couldn't go home and we couldn't sleep. The awful realization, was that we were now the older generation. Man, that was tough.

So the first 3 months of 2010 hadn't quite been all we had hoped it would be.




Los Angeles City Center by Night, from the Griffith Obervatory


In late April I found out that my best friend in High School, who I hadn't seen for 35 years, was going to be in Los Angeles. He would be within 50 miles of my other best friend from High School. I sort of figured I needed a break. My wife said 'GO....you need to get out of here. It will do you good.' So I rented a shinny new Ford and hit the road to make the trek from Phoenix to Los Angeles to see some old friends and clear my head.

It was a good trip. Long drives across vast deserts give us time to think about a lot of things. Things that we haven't had time to think about in ages. Meeting up with my old friends from High School was joyous and somewhat sobering. We hadn't lost any of our witty banter or child like innocence, but our bodies were old. We traded stories of what pills we took and who had the worse eyesight.

I think it gave us all a bookmark. Someone to compare our life's journey with. We had known each other's hopes, dreams, fears and optimism in South Dakota back in 1975. Those hopes and dreams had lead us all down different paths, but through some rip in the space-time continuum, we had all found ourselves standing ontop of the Griffith Observatory on April 23, 2010. As we looked at the twinkling lights that stretched to the horizon we all chuckled. We couldn't believe that we had made it. Back in 1975, we all thought we would be dead by now. But we had survived. With those same fears and dreams intact.




Four Hoppers, Cabazon, California


So now I am back in Phoenix, to try and pick up the pieces. It is going to take a long time. Life doesn't stop for you when you have a crisis. There are still bills to pay, birthdays to celebrate, and yard work to do. Contrary to what they told us. Life does not get easier as we get older. At least not this time around. And it has taught the importance of hitting the pause button and getting away from it all, before circumstance overwhelms us.


All images taken during the road trip, 4/22/2010 - 4/23/2010. Shot with a Panasonic Lumix Digital. All shots are HDR (High Dynamic Range), created from three bracketed images merged together with Photomatix software. Click the images to view them full resolution.

6 comments:

  1. wow, im sorry to hear about all this.

    We are going through something very similar right now with my father in law. Its very hard on everyone..

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  2. Thanks Slyde.....based on past blogs, I know you would be able to relate to this more than most. Chin up....keep the faith, carry on.

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  3. That was quite a story. Next week my brother and I are off to Florida and will be visiting with friends I've known for 40+ years. I'm sure we'll share some laughs of times gone by. As you well know we need to get away every once in awhile just to clear our heads.

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  4. oh, Bruce it must be very hard for the both of you. When my mother in law had Alzheimer's for 15 years (five of which were next door to us) it really brought home to my husband and I the entire role reversal thing.

    Whenever I meet with someone I went to school with I am reminded of how, deep down, I am still the same girl I was at 16. It must be that we are what we are at that young age. Or, perhaps we do a full circle.

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  5. I'm sorry 2010 didn't start off the way you wanted it to be. I know what it's like to lose parent.

    I hope the rest of 2010 and beyond is better for you.

    I love the he pictures of the Griffith Observatory.

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  6. I know what you are feeling. My Dad passed away in 1988, I didn't really know him, and what I did know of him was that he was an ass. My Mom passed away 5 years ago, then the following year my Brother died a horrible death. I feel like one of your bloggers that said she felt like an orphan. I am the oldest one in the family now, and I don't like the job. You are right, life keeps happening wether we want it to or not......you have to remember to do something for yourself now and then. You are the lucky one. You have someone to hug and cry with and dream, and remember.

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