Monday, December 6, 2010

Future Channels


I Can Hardly Wait

As I have stated numerous times before. The wife and I don't watch broadcast television anymore. We don’t' see the commercials or the political ads or know what the current malady / pharmaceutical the health care industry is pushing. We don't have to be at a certain place at a certain time to be force fed content that is marketed as entertainment. I am soooo happy I don't have a clue about Bristol Palin and Dancing with the Stars.

Yet, there are times when we can't avoid it. The last one was Thanksgiving Dinner at a relatives house. As we shovelled turkey and stuffing into our mouths, the HDTV was on in the background with some football game, interspersed with commercials and retired football has-beens talking about their glory days.

If you haven't seen television for along time, it is a strange beast to behold once again. Almost alien.

Which got me thinking about the types of content that we are eventually headed for. I mean it is obvious. Look at the time line:

Milton Berle
Ozzie & Harriet
Pettycoat Junction
Gilligan's Island
The Huntley / Brinkley Report
The Love Boat
Charlies Angels
Saturday Night Live
The Bachelor / Bachelorette
The Apprentice / Celebrity Apprentice
Dancing with the Stars
American Idol.............................

Projecting these trends into the future, I come up with:

The Future Channels

The Anxiety Channel
(nothing but stories about death and disease)
The Voyeur Channel
(watching other people do things you wish you could do, i.e.-reality television)
The Low Self Esteem Channel
(nothing but infomercials for exercise equipment)
The Bitch Channel
(newscasters and pundents griping about how badly people do things)
The Happy Channel
(Disney and TV Land, I wish they would show old commericals as well)
The Statistics Channel
(nothing but numbers...I wish this would come true)
The Shopping Channel
(background noise for women's coffee clicks)
The Big Story Channel
(the current anxiety story of the week, Swine Flu, Pirates, Earthquakes, Oil Spills)
The Stupid Foreigner Channel
(bitching about how other countries don't play fair and are doing better than us)
The Future Channel
(Guessing at how strange and warped our society will be down the road)
The Man Channel
(nothing but war documentaries and shows about machines)
The Romance Channel
(where lonely woman can have their dreams crushed even more)
The Video Game Channel
(where geeks talk about their on-line fantasy lives and trade hacks and secrets) (this actually already exists, it is called G4)

This is sort of why I collect LaserDiscs. Eventually, when I retire, I want to be 'entertained' by good television, not be brainwashed by media saturation