Thursday, June 23, 2005

The Church of the Three Jimmy's



The Church of the Three Jimmy's

I have been holding off on this little tirade for quite a while, but I suppose I should open the flood gates and let it all go. This is all about religion and the devastation and genocide that it has rote on all humanity. I am not here to bash anyone's god or means of worship. If you want to believe in a higher power, hey, more power to ya buddy. You believe in anything you want. I am not here to slam religion per sea; I am here to slam 'organized religion'.

This particular beast rears its ugly head when ever the huddled masses put their faith in one individual or institution. The masses believe (either through ignorance or self doubt) that someone has a higher understanding or direct connection to the almighty than they do. When ever I hear of this type of 'organized religion', I think of membership in the Church of the Three Jimmy's.

Since there may be some of you that don't know the biblical history of these three riders of the apocalypse, let me give you a brief refresher course.

James Baker: Was the founder of Heritage USA (along with his wife, the infamous Tammy Faye Baker) and was the odd mixture of fire and brimstone and Mr. Roger's Neighborhood on evangelical television circuit. When Jimmie got going, watch out! He would speak in tongues, threw the bible and screamed and yelled, all while Tammy Faye cryed her eyes out in the background with her eye makeup running down her face and pooling on the floor. It was really a site to see. Only problem is. It was all a sham. The money that folks sent in to buy a piece of Heritage USA (some sort of Holy Theme Park) never went anywhere but Jimmie's pocket. Then there was that little tryst with one of his virginal secretaries named Jessica Hane, and by the time the law and the IRS caught up with him, Jimmie was off to the hoosegow. So much for the 'Father'

Then came Jimmy Swaggart. This guy was breed to be a television evangelist. He was a real fire and brimstone thrower. He had the roots for it. His cousin is Jerry Lee Lewis of 'Great Balls of Fire' fame, so he had that hell and damnation upbringing in the rural south. He would work his way into a frenzy with bible in one hand and microphone in the other and would really set the soul on fire. Only problem is, while he was off camera, he was masturbating with a prostitute in a hotel room while his wife waited at home. His tearful confession of his indiscretions to his 'flock' was a real sight to behold. Unfortunately, his flock forgave him, but they were not so handy with their tithing after that and he pretty much faded into obscurity. We like our brimstone throwers to be pure instead of possibly hurling manure at us when we are not looking. I think he is still out there preaching, but he is a shadow of his former self and considerably poorer. So much for the 'Son'.

Finally, there was Jim Jones. This Jimmy really took the holy cake to the point of megalomania. Starting out as a poor inner city preacher ministering to the down trodden ethnics in urban cities, he became an all encompassing father figure to his small band of worshipers that eventually saw him as god's presence on earth. When he could no longer control their lives to the extent that he wanted, he moved them all to a remote South American 'paradise' in French Guinea where he ruled their lives like a dictator with no oversight. When the United States Federal Government got wind of his forced servitude of American's abroad they went to investigate. So Jimmy did what every religious megalomaniac would do. He staged an apocalypse and had his 'flock' drink poison Kool-Aid. Those that refused to drink the divine refreshment were just shot on the spot. All told, over 400 dead....all in one mans name of religion. So went the 'Holy Ghost'.

There have been hundreds of other evangelists that have fallen from grace, but as far as I know, not too many of them have been named Jimmy, so they didn't go with the theme of this blog.

So when ever I hear the head of ANY religious organization tell me that "God says you are supposed to do something"...the first thing I ask is, "Is your name Jimmy?" Because I think all of God's true profits on earth are named Jimmy these days.

Never mind the fact that almost 90% of all wars perpetrated against our fellow man have been in the name of religion, there is also the oppression, the guilt, and the dogma through history that has shown us that every organization that has any sort of power base will seek to perpetuate itself at all costs.

Did you ever ponder that the Arabs and the Israeli's all worship the same God? They just argue over which profit of God has more precedence.

Ever ponder that Catholics and Protestants slaughter each other wholesale in Northern Ireland, just because they disagree on how to worship the same God?

If there is one great God, don't you think that God is looking down and sort of giggling at what became of the stupid apes he created so many years ago?

With all the churches springing up all over the city that I live in (Phoenix, AZ) I have to assume that all these folks are not 'finding God'. I think they are looking for tax free networking clubs and places to pick up divorced mothers looking for 'spirituality' or new husbands with a good moral center. In short, religion is a business anymore. It involves a lot of money, land, power, politicking and guilt. If you want to find 'God', climb a mountain or wander into the deep forest, lie on your back and look at the stars. Trust me, 'God' will speak to you in some sort of way. He sure as hell won't do it through some guy wearing a funny collar standing in a 3 million temple built with tax free money from the faithful.

It was either Marx or Lenin that said that religion was the opiate of the masses. They were right, but they failed to see the fact that the masses need some sort of opiate. The masses can't all pull themselves up by their own bootstraps. Unfortunately, there are a lot of folks out there that will help them get up, but they are called clergy. And they won't want you to stand on your own. They will want to be a crutch for you for the rest of your life. So, run ... run away as fast as you can, until you find the higher power of the universe on your own. Don't be seduced by the Church of the Three Jimmy's.

Amen.